Path of Redemption
By: Marcos Cardenas
My name is Marcos Cardenas. I have been incarcerated 16 years on a life without parole sentence for a crime I committed at the age of 20. Prior to my arrest, I had taken on leadership roles in a gang in order to elevate my status within the gang culture. The gang meant everything to me. The only thing that mattered was the approval of the gang and feeding of my drug addiction. I was selfish, callous, violent, and a coward that got to the point of blaming everyone but myself. I refused to take responsibility for my own acts. The early years of my incarceration were no different. I went on operating under the same warped beliefs and distorted way of thinking. I went on living this way until 2016.
It was then that my perceptions and beliefs started shifting as I grew tired of the way I was living. I no longer found interest in the acceptance and approval of others, nor did the lifestyle excite me the way it once did. At this point of my life, everyone I stayed in contact with had moved on, my appeals were all exhausted. The only person that stayed in contact with me was my mother, and she would always ask me when I was coming home. I never knew how to tell her my actual sentence. The thought of taking that hope she held onto would kill me. I just couldn't do it. I came to hate myself for what had become of my life. But deep down, I knew that this couldn't be it; there had to be more to life than this.
Shortly after, I started to notice many ex-gang members who spoke with a good vocabulary, who were strong in their faith, and who were proud of their educational and rehabilitation achievements. So I gave it a try. I was then one foot in, one foot out, trying to get a feeling of it. Then I witnessed an LWOP get commuted and released, a good friend of mine, Steven Green. That did it for me. I was all in, and in the process restructured my whole way of thinking, living, and believing.
Since then, I have earned many achievements such as my high school diploma. I have completed, coordinated, and facilitated self-help groups, and soon I will complete the Offender Mentor Certification Program and multiple college degrees. But more importantly, I have learned how to forgive, empathize, and make amends.
Today, I still continue to lead. I will always be a leader at heart. But I no longer lead others down a path of destruction; I now lead others down a path of greater purpose. A path of true change, healing, positive programming, and redemption.
My purpose in life now is to be of service and shed light on the impact drugs and the gang lifestyle can have on others. My goal is to prevent this horrible and painful act from repeating itself. I understand that nothing I say or do will ever set me apart from my heinous actions on June 17, 2007, but I do hope that every time he looks down, he can see the remorse that is in my heart. I don't ever want to hurt another family like I did his.